August 8th, 2009

Sometime in the night...my Aunt Jane lost her battle with cancer...she was the eldest of my dad's sisters...she is survived by a loving husband, Graham...two sons...Steve and David, countless grandchildren, two sisters...Ann and Ellen...and many nieces, nephews and cousins...

...of my dad's sisters...I knew her the least...she rarely lived in town except for one summer when her and graham were traveling and lived in their very fancy (at least to a young man)...fifth wheel trailer out back...with their very sassy Siamese cats... :)

...because I rarely saw Jane...it meant when she was in town we were either celebrating or mourning...a fixture of the good and the bad...because of this she had a profound affect on my life...

...of all of my Ma's children she reminded me of Ma the most...

I can honestly say with complete love that we didn't always see eye to eye...but that woman had one hell of a hug...she def had a way unto herself and I respect that...I will miss her calls at my birthday...this was the first year she didn't call...too sick for me to call her...

...such is life I suppose...I can't say I saw adulthood like this as a child...for now I am trying to find peace in the memories of playing graham in chess as you sat by with a watchful eye...or how your voice would change when I misbehaved...the old cottage at the beach...your demeanor as your son lay in a coma at Riverside...your hugs...defining moments to a young man...

...you will be missed Jane Pillow...may your soul find it's way...

always,

joseph

In summation of Monday...

...August 3rd, 2009...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW7akj4g2f0



BE GREAT!!!BE YOURSELF!!!

jwcIII

Tuesday...

...August 4th, 2009...I survived another 4 day stretch...literally...yesterday...it's hard to find the words to sum up yesterday at work...all of my patients were critical...no in between...I'm torn and motivated all at once by the meetings I attended...or should I say held in regards to me...I know that I'm as driven as I ever have been...but it's different now that I'm a father...it's work...not my life and at the same time...helping people comes as naturally to me as breathing air...I pride myself on that...


...I spent most of July trying to determine how I could let go of every bit of vulnerability...it is a personal goal I have had for some time now...there are topics...events...and people that have affected my life...and I'm not sure how to respect there privacy while pursuing enlightenment...is it fair to compromise a friendship for words...thoughts...



...interpretation is the meat of all that we do...the bones are but a backdrop for the horizon...



...I will make a decision soon...



...I will end this morning with this thought...not every one's definition of great is identical...for me...today...I woke up fatigued but alive...I was not in the hospital...we had not been hit at a high speed by a mini van while responding to a emergent call...my daughter...my mother are healthy...no one I love is in the hospital...I have all 5 senses...all 10 toes and 10 fingers...that is enough when I wake up in the morning...probably because I see so many souls who lack that which we take for granted on the regular...



...life is delicate...witnessing that even once changes you...embrace it and don't let fear rule your heart...no matter what struggle you may face...



jwcIII