Monday...

December 7th, 2009 I reflect upon Robert Frost's:


67. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

Saturday...

December 5th, 2009...sometimes...sometimes...reflection only leads to more questions...sometimes I believe I search for answers too earnestly...of all things I know...I know this...I am far from perfect...but I know that perfection is not the matter of the day...sometimes...you must just breathe and be...sometimes you can't just breathe...sometimes you must just breathe and be...sometimes you must wait and see what it is your dreams have already foreshadowed...

If I were to throw a rock into the lake...ripples would follow...have you ever wondered how the rock comes to rest upon the sandy soil...or are you too busy watching the movements of the water...if you had your choice which would you be...the rock in the water...or the waves of water...

For some time now I have lived and learned from consequences of my choice...today I reflect back upon the choice I made in the absence of my father...a decision I made as a father...some things in life come easily...without question...but it is what perplexes us the most...and how we respond to that which defines us...

I recently met a young man who suffers from what will likely be terminal cancer...the first time we met he was weak and did not smile...his parents were with him...it was the first time we had all met and the exhaustion they had endured was evident...the second time we met...was exactly like the first with the exception that this young man greeted me with a smile...I responded with a smile and a nod...sometimes words only complicate matters...sometimes a simple smile says more than any words could ever hope to convey...for that moment...I will always remember that young mans face...of all the people I meet he will rise above...it is my hope that his soul has a safe journey...

jwcIII

Sunday...

November 15th, 2009...I know...I know...it is true though...there are some days that I have more to say than others...some days I am working on other projects not ready for post. The topic of today was "critical thinking" it's origin, etc...etc...and I must say it felt like a sermon this morning even though it wasn't discussed in church...maybe it was the day...the unseasonable weather. What an amazing day out...at the end of the day..."critical thinking" lost out to the beautiful weather...I mean...how can you ask all the right questions on such a day...every now and than you have to just enjoy the moment...

jwcIII

Saturday...

November 14th, 2009...sometimes it is just good to get away for a little bit...sometimes that is all you need to relax and reset...

jwcIII

Friday...

November 13th, 2009...a busy morning broke into a relaxing and playful evening of movies with Addy...I'm not even sure how many times we watched My Little Pony, but she was happy...and when she smiles...I smile...a proud father...some days I don't know much...every Dad should know the joy of playing Kings & Queens with their daughter...every Dad should have the revelation that I have experienced.

jwcIII

Thursday...

November 12th, 2009...and the rain continues...it use to be when I was a child a storm like this would sound the closing of schools and a hurricane or tropical storm party at my house with all of my family...food and games...but now...it signals risk and responsibility...we almost always lose trees when a storm like IDA comes up the coast...old trees...older than I...makes me think about life...what's important...time and how very little happens over night or day...but over time...stay dry...and if you can't...stay safe...

jwcIII

Wednesday...

November 11th, 2009...Veteran's Day...what can I say...about such a unique and solemn day...what can I say that has not been said time and time again...

...I remember many things about the Veteran's that have influenced my life...while each story they shared was unique...they all shared a common bond...their smile...a humbled awareness...

...from Sunday mornings with Walt talking about the Core...to hearing about Korea from my Uncle Jesse...to Mr. Cherry's stories of WWII and France...may your souls find the peace you search for...

...thank you for touching my life in so many ways...

jwcIII

Tuesday...

November 10th, 2009...Happy Birthday Moma!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Mom...for 64 years you have lived an amazing life...to me you are many things...my mother...my friend...my confidant...my family...

You have guided me as a father...and for that I am forever grateful...

It is no secret that we have become so much closer since Dad's passing...but life...has come full circle...you are an inspiration to me...always have been...and on this...your 64th birthday...I want you to know that I love you...all that you are and all that you represent...you have always been a constant in my life...and for that I am thankful...may all of your dreams come true...forever indebted...

Love always...your son...

Joseph W. Carney III
"Joseph"

Monday...

November 9th, 2009...I woke to an alarm that would not stop going off...I mean really...the nerve of that little...noisy box...

...Strange dreams last night...woke with a kink in the left side of my neck...yikes...

...I just finished the "echo" revision of the COOP I've been working on with A.M. and I needed a brake from the monotony of the government document writing...

..."ALL IN!!!"...I've felt as though I was all in most of my life...but no more than the day my father died...since than I have learned a lot about myself...the good and the bad...but I must say is I realize that I too fear the unknown...but...it isn't always about winning or losing...most of the time it is about the experience...sometimes people aren't up to the challenge...but such is life...

hope y'all have a beautiful day...much to do...much to do...

jwcIII

Sunday...

November 8th, 2009...woke rested...a little congested...hmmm...dreams...wow...already dreaming about my trip to Baltimore...hmmm...with a twist...beautiful weather today...

...started the day with a few chores...then church...the sermon was about being "all in"...hmmm...I'll have to touch on that at a later date...after I ponder it a bit...

...breakfast at 3rd street was comical...I feel badly that I didn't have jumper cables...really I do...

...hospital...hmmm...ready for a change...time to move on with things...

...writing...when you are exhausted...is virtually impossible...hmmm...until tomorrow...

jwcIII

Saturday...

...November 7th, 2009...

What a day...hella productive...if there is a such a thing...one of those days where everything is clicking...mhmmm

Uncle Jim's wedding went well...little hard for my mom and her sisters, but it has been 6 years since Diane passed away...

Early night for this tired country boy...

jwcIII

Friday...

November 6th, 2009...started before the sun had risen...wiping the sleepers from my eyes...time to pack up for the weekend...busy...yet casual day at work...then headed to Smithfield to celebrate Mom's birthday...Uncle Jim's wedding tomorrow...sure to be a bit emotional...then back to the RIC for another busy week...

mhmm...what to do what to do...use to be the question...now it seems it is what not to do...limits are overrated...

I will say that I am on my toes...that is indisputable...

good day...

jwcIII

Thursday...

November 5th, 2009...picked up Addy...breakfast at McCleans...yummy...I love watching Addy...teaching her...learning from her...such a simple pleasure in life...everyone should be so lucky to experience the feelings and emotions that come with that...Dad's were guests for "donuts with dad's day" at her preschool...!!! Addy loved the chocolate donuts...i enjoyed the apples!!!

Such a great day...followed by a great run (although I need new running shoes) and a little work..."total productivity"...mhmm...

jwcIII

Wednesday...

November 4th, 2009...quarterly drill today...I woke rested...but I haven't been remembering my dreams that well at all...I love the coldness in the morning...don't get me wrong...I love the warmth of days...but there is something about how that Virignia cold bites at you...

Today I am happy to say that I believe in so much more...several years ago I lost a friend...and quite honestly it was completely my fault...today...it seems as though that time has healed our wounds...and that brings me some peace...something that has been hard to come by these last few years...

Fratres in armis...

jwcIII

Tuesday...

November 3rd, 2009...

I must say...I really wanted to vote today...but I am registered in Smithfield, VA and will not make it back...I really need a personal assistant to remind me of these things...frustrated...

I must say...I really like the feeling of cold air on your lungs...I was running the yesterday evening...it reminds me of a simpler time back home playing high school football...just for the fun of it...the night air...the sun setting...the whistles blowing...the coaches screaming...coaxing us to put out more and more...to push ourselves...I suppose you could say I found out a lot about myself back then...

I must say that inspiration is a great gift...in a world of quanitification I really believe it is just a beautiful moment...

jwcIII

Tuesday...

November 3rd, 2009...I woke from a dream...my body still...but my eyes searching...as if I wasn't sure if I was truly awake...

I had been dreaming about homecoming...and my brothers...

...the shower could not get hot enough to wash away the night...

...the sun overwhelmed my eyes...

Sometimes...news comes quickly...sometimes it is easier to just put it out there...as my best friend did yesterday...I had no words...I just wrapped my arms around her and hugged her...I am no stranger to breast cancer...the pain it caused my grandmother...my cousin...the tears and the fears were etched into my childhood...forever a part of my life...my heart is heavy and hopeful today...heavy and hopeful that this story will have a happy ending...for now I will support her as she supports her mother through this...this consuming process...this disease that has taken so many beautiful souls from this place...


Random House of Carney

I wear my heart on my sleeve...

This gets me into trouble...

but I wouldn't be the same person if I didn't...

I am baffled and enamoured...

I am lost and found...

I am at a crossroads...

more Random House of Carney

I believe sometimes...people push you away...because they are fearful of hurting you...and in the end...no matter what the outcome...both people lose out on learning about life...about communication...about relationships...I am as guilty as the next person...but still...

jwcIII

Monday...

November 2nd, 2009...I could not sleep for the life of me last night...by the time I fell asleep I was too exhausted to really remember my dreams which I really don't like...the weather this morning was overcast, but nice and cool...not cold...just nice and cool...

The morning has been productive...Executive Staff meeting always is interesting and eats up most of the day...made my last presentation before I go to Baltimore...should be a great trip...!!!

I will say...life is full of surprises...that come in all shapes and sizes...sometimes...you just have to enjoy them for what they are...not force life and flow...

jwcIII

Last Friday...

a good friend of mine...someone I would consider to have a kindred soul...asked me why Heather was so angry with me...and...I found myself uncomfortable answering it...but I knew the answer...we always said we would be honest with each other C...so...

She was so angry because I let the death of my father cloud my judgement to the point where I doubted her love for me...as a man...looking back...it is painful...as a man living in the future it is something I never want to experience again; however, as a man looking towards the near future I understand life so much better now than I did...was the price worth it...absolutely not...but I do...now have a gift that I will not take for granted...

I wanted to share this entry from E. Fox...November 1st, 2009...

Foresight and Hindsight...

When you have to make a decision or take a certain action, all that you can do is to do the best you know at that time, and if you do that you will have done your duty. In the light of after events it may turn out that you made a mistake, but that will not be your fault because you could not possibly do better than the best you know at the time. Claim that the Christ is guiding you; believe it, and the ultimate outcome will be favorable even if things seem to go wrong for a time.

And the Lord shall guide thee continually...(Isaiah 58:11)

On this day...All Saint's Day...I am thankful for my faith...that it has healed and I pray for those who have lost their way...may they find peace upon the road they travel...

jwcIII

Sunday...

November 1st, 2009...I woke today to pouring rain...fitting weather for the morning...rested with the extra hour of falling back...I showered and shaved and off to church I went to honor the memory of my beloved father...it has been 3 1/2 years since we last spoke, but I think of you often...it was a unique service, but I enjoyed it and the fellowship I shared...

"for of all the souls that have touched my life, none have burned brighter into mine than yours" jwcIII 11/01/09

May all of you remember all of those who have touched your lives in a special way...

jwcIII

Saturday...

October 31st, 2009...I hope everyone had as great a day as we did...while the beautiful weather did not hold out...Addy and I had a great time trick-or-treating...she was Belle of Beauty and the Beast...she was suppose to be Minnie Mouse, but much like her father made change in costume the day before...

jwcIII

Friday...

October 30th, 2009...sometimes...it seems like things don't add up...this morning I found myself waking from dreams that were exhausting...I'm not even sure if they even meant anything...was my mind unwinding...or did it mean something more...I do know what I want in life...what I've accomplished...and what has eluded me...I suppose only time will tell...only time...

jwcIII

Thursday...

October 29th, 2009...

Random House of Carney...

one...i've neva been one to bite my words...

two...i realize that comes with a price...

three...i've come to realize i am a better at writing than i am telling a story...

four...there is something special about fall...

five...who says that...

six...i do...

seven...is my lucky number...

eight...is crazy...

nine...is there such a thing as luck...

ten...maybe i should hold back a little...

eleven...what fun would that be...

twelve...i'm so excited about addy's costume this halloween...

thirteen...she makes me smile like no otha...

fourteen...i am not the best speller...

fifteen...miss the water...

sixteen...looking forward to a run on the beach...

seventeen...there isn't a priority to this list...

eighteen...what to do what to do...

nineteen...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

jwcIII

Wednesday...

October 28th, 2009...

...there are many realizations one's soul comes to in life...but one of the most important things to remember is the importance of smiling...smiling is not only a way to communicate...but it has healing powers...

...life is full of stressors...stressors can be anything really that causes you to feel as though you aren't making progress...or maybe you are in a fog...troubles with work...finances...family illnesses...relationships...it's all relative really...

...for example...you see a friend and you say..."How are you?" and they respond "I'm good"...the conversation goes a completely different direction 9/10...but if you say "How are you?" and they respond "I'm doing great"...your will want to know why...I bet they are smiling when they say "I'M DOING GREAT!!!"...

...it's true...sometimes smiling is difficult...but it is possible...no matter how stressful or even bleak things may seem...

...the next time things aren't going your way...find a mirror...look at yourself in that mirror and smile...throw your regular smile out there...right at yourself...and again...I mean...don't take yourself too seriously...then think...why am I stressed...nothing in life lasts forever...now...make a "silly face"...don't take yourself too seriously...you'll probably find yourself laughing...and laughter is a great thing...



...if that doesn't work...maybe crank a song in your car...and just sing...I'm pretty sure you will be smiling by the time the song is over...



...if that still doesn't work...call a friend...someone you've known for a while...or someone that knows you well...and tell them you need to smile...say "make me laugh" and I'm pretty sure by the end of the conversation you will be one way or the other...

...different things work for different people...you see...it's partly the art of distraction...but when you realize the goal is simple...just a smile...and you master it...well...nothing is impossible...and everything...with time becomes plausible...

...your homework for today is to smile at 5 complete strangers and simply say "hello"...see where it gets ya...how it makes ya feel...if they ask you how you are doing...smile...and tell them "I'M DOING GREAT!!!" and see what they say...



ps: everyone is a "superstar" in their own right...they just may have not realized it yet...


jwcIII



Main Entry: 1smile
Pronunciation: \ˈsmī(-ə)l\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): smiled; smil·ing
Etymology: Middle English; akin to Old English smerian to laugh, Sanskrit smayate he smiles
Date: 14th century
intransitive verb
1 : to have, produce, or exhibit a smile
2 a : to look or regard with amusement or ridicule b : to bestow approval c : to appear pleasant or agreeable
transitive verb
1 : to affect with or by smiling
2 : to express by a smile

— smil·er noun

— smil·ing·ly \ˈsmī-liŋ-lē\ adverb

"http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Smile"

Tuesday...

October 27th, 2009...a beautiful rainy day...that's right...there is such a thing...mhmmm...you see...inspiration...like colors...comes in many different shades...it's all about perspective...but...sometimes perspective is hard to come by...hard to decipher...some times the interference in our World is overwhelming...


Today I wanted to share this excerpt from E.Fox's Around the Year with E. Fox...one of my favorite books...

Give It Time...
"People sometimes accept the idea that a change of thought, plus turning to God in prayer, will transform their lives into harmony and freedom. The logic of this principle appeals to them, and they set to work upon it in earnest. Then, after a few days, they say, "Nothing has happened after all," and they drop back into their old negative thinking.
That is EXTREMELY foolish. The results of many years of general negative thinking are seldom corrected in a few days. No one who goes upon a new physical diet or medical regimen expects to reap the advantages in so short a time. You must keep up the new way of thinking and refuse to be discouraged by seeming failures at first.
The right motive for adopting right thinking is that it is right and that wrong thinking is wrong; and we should do right whether it seems to pay dividends or not. Of course, it does pay dividends...FABULOUS dividends...but it usually takes a little perseverance in the face of preliminary slowness."

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13



It's funny...people spend their entire lives searching for something...and when they finally find it...it seems foreign...as if they had been stranded on a desert island...and they have to relearn something they already knew to be true and right...but when something seems foreign...it may seem as though it really doesn't feel right...so we think...it must be wrong...but what we should be asking ourselves...is it REAL...is it too GOOD to be TRUE...or is it REAL and RIGHT...sadly...all too often...in the end...I believe people end up selling themselves short because they don't know how to just dance...just flowing with the music...

Basic principles...there are none...so maybe...just go with it...just smile and go with it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUa8HnHeoiY

jwcIII

Monday...

October 26th, 2009...

...who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth? (Galatians 5:7)

Main Entry: truth
Pronunciation: \ˈtrüth\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural truths \ˈtrüthz, ˈtrüths\
Etymology: Middle English trewthe, from Old English trēowth fidelity; akin to Old English trēowe faithful — more at true
Date: before 12th century
1 a archaic : fidelity, constancy b : sincerity in action, character, and utterance
2 a (1) : the state of being the case : fact (2) : the body of real things, events, and facts : actuality (3) often capitalized : a transcendent fundamental or spiritual reality b : a judgment, proposition, or idea that is true or accepted as true c : the body of true statements and propositions
3 a : the property (as of a statement) of being in accord with fact or reality b chiefly British : true 2 c : fidelity to an original or to a standard
4 capitalized Christian Science : god

— in truth : in accordance with fact : actually

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/truth)

Sincerity in action, character, and utterance...hmmm...I wish I could say...that in 32 short and long years I understood "truth"...today is one of those days...is "truth" always reality...hmmm...I do not know...

There have been times when "truth" escaped me...times when I truly wondered about life...the time after I lost Dad...and the events that have transpired over the last three and half years...

Main Entry: 1hon·est
Pronunciation: \ˈä-nəst\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin honestus honorable, from honos, honor honor
Date: 14th century
1 a : free from fraud or deception : legitimate, truthful b : genuine, real c : humble, plain
2 a : reputable, respectable b chiefly British : good, worthy
3 : creditable, praiseworthy
4 a : marked by integrity b : marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression : frank c : innocent, simple

synonyms see upright

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/honest)

"Honest"...hmmm...genuine...real...is it possible to see someone for something that they have yet to realize...to see their "sincere expression"...

Main Entry: 1fear
Pronunciation: \ˈfir\
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English feren, from Old English fǣran, from fǣr
Date: before 12th century
transitive verb
1 archaic : frighten
2 archaic : to feel fear in (oneself)
3 : to have a reverential awe of
4 : to be afraid of : expect with alarm
intransitive verb
: to be afraid or apprehensive

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fear)

I believe people fear the unknown...of all the words I know..."fear" among all others is something that I believe people except in there hearts without even realizing it...I absolutely believe "fear" is an absence of "faith"...and today...today...hmmm...

Main Entry: 1faith
Pronunciation: \ˈfāth\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural faiths \ˈfāths, sometimes ˈfāthz\
Etymology: Middle English feith, from Anglo-French feid, fei, from Latin fides; akin to Latin fidere to trust — more at bide
Date: 13th century
1 a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2 a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3 : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs

synonyms see belief

— on faith : without question

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/faith)

Sincerity of intentions...something that has rarely elluded me...and today I am thankful for that...no matter what...hmmm...

with a heavy heart...a beautiful truth...a beautiful lie...a beautifully painfully inspiration...thank you for that...

jwcIII

Tuesday...

October 20th, 2009...it's funny what is important to people...it's even funnier what is important to an individual...because we are creatures of our environment...we are unique unto ourselves...different dreams...different priorities...but the truth is that life isn't always fun and games...

This weekend I sat around the dinner table with some of my brothers...life long friends...sitting together as we discussed the past, present and future...one of the most interesting topics to all of us was how things of the past...events of the past that seemed so important at the time really have no significance in the present...they may have been lessons at the time...but they have since been filed into the history books...

Life has a way of working itself out...I truly believe that...it's true there have been times when I have had to fight for that belief...but it is that significant to me...

Fear has a way of trying to creep into our lives and our hearts...fear of the unknown...fear of being hurt...fear of loss...but if you allow fear to make a home in your heart...you will never grow...you will never learn...and ultimately...you will never live...and living is what it is all about...

jwcIII

The Red Envelope...

knows no limits...

The Red Envelope is you...and

To me the Red Envelope is no more...

In the beginning and the end only evolution is left...

In the beginning a beautiful lie...but

The Red Envelope knows no boundaries...

Void of light...and

Void of oxygen...

The Red Envelope is an atmosphere unto itself...

Absent of heart...and

Absent of soul...

The Red Envelope takes us to new heights...

Living everywhere...and

Living no where...

The Red Envelope has no conscious...

Knows no truth...and

Knows no lie...

The Red Envelope is you...and

To me the Red Envelope is no more...

In the beginning and the end only evolution is left...

In the end a beautiful truth...

jwcIII

Tuesday...

October 6th, 2009...what wakes you up in the morning...what makes you tick...do you even care...I recently asked a friend what I should write about for the day...she had no idea at the moment...inspiration...sometimes is just around the corner...for me it came that evening as I was walking to the library...for me...I will not share what inspired me specifically...but I will say that this gentleman does not realize it but he has a new friend...

I believe that we all have struggles...for me...I am notorious for creating more difficult situations than necessary and then working my way out of them...like a magician trying to create a new incredible act...time and time again I have witnessed myself repeating the past...

I'm not alone...some of my closest friends are the same way...in stressful situations is where we thrive...where we grow...so when life doesn't throw us a bone we create obstacles and challenges...

What makes you go...is it your children...your parents...because I can tell you that is a given...my question today...to you...is that enough...can you give more because there are many people that would love to be exactly where you are at...who are already behind the proverbial "8 ball"

For me...tonight...it is back to studying... ;)

jwcIII

Monday...

October 5th, 2009...sitting in ALS CEU's...studying for something completely unrelated; however, I was surprised by the video presentation taped from an earlier class by the a clinical "shrink"...quite interesting information...

Lunch with the boys was nice...catching up with friends at Panera...good eats...

jwcIII

Friday...

...October 2nd...2009...

...addy...absolute love...

...firsts...fun memories...

...travel...train...

...friends...funny...

Saturday...

October 3rd...2009...

...sleep...wake...

...train...yep...

...lecture...yikes...

...lunch...bbq...

...practicals...mhmm...

October 4th...2009...

...tight...right...

...sore...sure...

...leading...learning...

...air...please...

...test...try...

home...sweet...shower...

rest...mhmmm...

jwcIII

September 30th, 2009...

...today is the last day of September...it was a long day for me...I could not seem to wake up this morning and when I finally did I felt like I had been shot out of a cannon...my 2 pm I had done 12 hours of work in less than 6...

...I've been thinking about Dad lately...life...and how I miss our talks...it's true that Mom and I are much closer now...but our talks aren't the same...the bond is in some ways much more unique and at times more exhausting...ultimately the friendship mom and I have is not easy for me to describe...I very much feel like the parent these days with Mom...

...yesterday I was reminded that life doesn't have to be so serious...in a world where we know lose all too often it really was nice just to relax...something that I all too often find very little of...peace...that is...

...I believe many people become exhausted by the realities of life...but if you can find that happy balance...that is truly something special...I remember working on the oncology unit...the families...the loss...the toll it took on my soul...it changed me forever...ultimately I was able to find the positive..."Good will towards men"...

...tomorrow is a new day...at the end of the day...what is most important to you...for me...it's about being the best Dad...being consistent...supporting mom and helping as many strangers as humanly possible...it's just what comes naturally to me...

jwcIII

September 14th, 2009

I woke with no quickness in my step this morning...feeling the toll of the 4 heme/onc patients I helped care for had a cumulative affect on my soul. Ultimately there is only so much we can do as clinicians...ultimately we must constantly reevaluate our perspective on life and adapt so not to burn out...

I'd like to think I could find peace in my dreams, but there is so much going on right now it is difficult. I have had dreams come true, even if it is nothing more than foreshadowing. Life has a funny way of working itself out so you always have to look for those opportunities, even when you are sleeping.

Today begins week five of my transfer to the office. My progress on the COOP is going well. It has been a productive day in the office overall...pulling together the data from the interviews conducted. It is a slow process developing this program from the ground up, but important and necessary.

I am excited about Addison's Parent orientation tonight. She will be attending preschool twice a week this fall. She loves interacting with other children. She is so intuitive...she has an awareness and happiness that makes me very proud!

Back to the grind...

jwcIII

August 8th, 2009

Sometime in the night...my Aunt Jane lost her battle with cancer...she was the eldest of my dad's sisters...she is survived by a loving husband, Graham...two sons...Steve and David, countless grandchildren, two sisters...Ann and Ellen...and many nieces, nephews and cousins...

...of my dad's sisters...I knew her the least...she rarely lived in town except for one summer when her and graham were traveling and lived in their very fancy (at least to a young man)...fifth wheel trailer out back...with their very sassy Siamese cats... :)

...because I rarely saw Jane...it meant when she was in town we were either celebrating or mourning...a fixture of the good and the bad...because of this she had a profound affect on my life...

...of all of my Ma's children she reminded me of Ma the most...

I can honestly say with complete love that we didn't always see eye to eye...but that woman had one hell of a hug...she def had a way unto herself and I respect that...I will miss her calls at my birthday...this was the first year she didn't call...too sick for me to call her...

...such is life I suppose...I can't say I saw adulthood like this as a child...for now I am trying to find peace in the memories of playing graham in chess as you sat by with a watchful eye...or how your voice would change when I misbehaved...the old cottage at the beach...your demeanor as your son lay in a coma at Riverside...your hugs...defining moments to a young man...

...you will be missed Jane Pillow...may your soul find it's way...

always,

joseph

In summation of Monday...

...August 3rd, 2009...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW7akj4g2f0



BE GREAT!!!BE YOURSELF!!!

jwcIII

Tuesday...

...August 4th, 2009...I survived another 4 day stretch...literally...yesterday...it's hard to find the words to sum up yesterday at work...all of my patients were critical...no in between...I'm torn and motivated all at once by the meetings I attended...or should I say held in regards to me...I know that I'm as driven as I ever have been...but it's different now that I'm a father...it's work...not my life and at the same time...helping people comes as naturally to me as breathing air...I pride myself on that...


...I spent most of July trying to determine how I could let go of every bit of vulnerability...it is a personal goal I have had for some time now...there are topics...events...and people that have affected my life...and I'm not sure how to respect there privacy while pursuing enlightenment...is it fair to compromise a friendship for words...thoughts...



...interpretation is the meat of all that we do...the bones are but a backdrop for the horizon...



...I will make a decision soon...



...I will end this morning with this thought...not every one's definition of great is identical...for me...today...I woke up fatigued but alive...I was not in the hospital...we had not been hit at a high speed by a mini van while responding to a emergent call...my daughter...my mother are healthy...no one I love is in the hospital...I have all 5 senses...all 10 toes and 10 fingers...that is enough when I wake up in the morning...probably because I see so many souls who lack that which we take for granted on the regular...



...life is delicate...witnessing that even once changes you...embrace it and don't let fear rule your heart...no matter what struggle you may face...



jwcIII

Sunday...

...July 12th, 2009...what a day...I mean what a day...1 week til my birthday...learned something new this weekend...actually bought a baker's dozen...I suppose Kansas isn't such a bad state after all.. :) Who knows what the future holds, but I do know that what counts is making a difference...sometimes...in this world we don't get to do it enough...but last night we did and that's all that matters...Be GREAT...!!!...Be REAL...!!!...i'm headed to bed since sleep was in short order this weekend...


jwcIII

Thursday...

...July 9th, 2009...10 days til my birthday...I can't wait...I'm very excited about "32"...it's going to be a great year...I can just tell...I'm having the time of my life...Addison is doing great...work is amazing...life is good...

Today has been a busy day from the beginning to the end...woke up at 0430 and finally winding down now at 2300 (11pm)... ;) The last call I went on a gentleman fell 30 plus feet off of a balcony...luckily he didn't land on his head...be careful with those railings...thankfully he should make a full recovery...

Tomorrow is a busy day...but laid back for Friday...rest well...Be Great...!!!


jwcIII

Wednesday...

...July 8th, 2009...it's been 2 months...and life seems to be full of surprises...that's all I have to say about that right now...nothing more or less...my heart and soul believes it is what it is...

...today was rather uneventful...but I managed to get a lot accomplished...I just finished an hour long conference call and I'm ready for bed, but I have a 22 page document to read first...

...tomorrow should be a bit more entertaining...that is all for tonight...


jwcIII

Tuesday...

...July 7th, 2009...the first day of the cycle...my day started at an early 0430 this morning and hasn't stopped since...my eyes are heavy right now, but I'm trying to push through...I've been transferred to #7 for the day and it has been a steady shift, but I still managed to find time to upload all of the programs from MedDATA and purchase the books I'll need minus one...
I really think I should go to sleep...but I'm not sure if I could yet...need to unwind...hope the night isn't but so bad...lol...til tomorrow...

jwcIII

Friday...

...July 3rd, 2009...what a fantastic...productive...relaxing day...off for the weekend...will return with more day's in the life first of the week...have a Safe and Great Holiday...!!!


jwcIII

Thursday...

...July 2nd, 2009...I totally would rather be at the beach right now taking a nap...but I find myself sitting in the ER catching up on "US Weekly" wondering why I like this new tide detergent so much. I mean, honestly, of all the 28378327828 choices they had at Wal-Mart I picked the one that had the most interesting color container...go figure?

I finalized the contract today with Meddata so that is a go. I have to make the updates to my computer some time this weekend, but that just needs to be completed by Sunday night...no rush...lunch on the mind...


jwcIII

Wednesday...

...July 1st, 2009...today started off...well...it's the 1st of the month...July...and for me...it's always a lot of fun...since it's the month I was born...today was no exception...I can't say that today was all peaches and cream though...I've got two friends in two different states who are both in binds...both I've known a very long time...both I trust with my life...one of them actually saved my life...so...it has been...we'll say unique day...

...On a lighter note...which is hard to do tonight...I'm off the entire weekend...and it's sure to be fun filled...drop off CEI's first contract tomorrow...work a little in the ER than the weekend is officially here...

Random House of Carney: I can say that I was completely baffled by the number of choices in "TIDE" products at Wal-Mart...maybe it was because it was 6 am...but really...I mean really...how many different soap detergents must they market... ...Only time will tell...stay tuned for more... ps: Be Great...!!! jwcIII

Tuesday...

...June 30th, 2009...the last day of June...I'm back in RVA for a couple of days...busy busy time...looking forward to some time off this weekend...these last few months have been "hella crazy"...it seems to all be paying off though...a lot of decisions to make in the next few months...a lot of changes on the way...but I like it...

Question of the day...is giving a homeless person a gesture of good will or a measure of enabling?

Random House of Carney:

I hate shoes in the "summa"...like socks even less...and love warm weather...

ps: BE GREAT!!!


jwcIII

Sunday...

...June 28th, 2009...what to say...where to start...today has been a relatively slow day at the fire house...we had two calls actually...a DOA for a man who passed away in his sleep after what his wife described as a good night...she was obviously very upset...but evidently they had a night of chasing each other around the kitchen...he would sneak in and tap her back and run away and she would come around with her fork and she would chase him in circles through the living room...I hope I'm that lucky one day...

Writing...for me...is a process...an evolution...I have had events happen...each day since I started this project; however, as I evolve as an author...as an individual I'm finding that I am having to reassess how I perceive what I see and how to convey it...because even though much of what I do...can be dark...there is a positive to be seen...and conveying that has proven to be more difficult than I expected...


jwcIII

Thursday...

...June 24th, 2009...today was just one of those days...despite all going on Addy had a great swim and is really learning to use her legs in the water to mover around...

The ER was intense...I don't really recall it ever being busy like this this time of year...it must be a combined affect of the changes in medical care and the lack of insurance...

Trying to wind down...I'm sure tomorrow will be equally trying...


jwcIII

Tuesday...

...June 23rd, 2009...wake up WORLD...it's a new day...time to take it to the next level...be thankful for what you have...where you've been...and what you've learned...predictions are over rated...living life for what it is...that's where it's at...if you don't have a list or template...make it up as you go along...change the game..."DO WORK...!!!"

Today I am thankful for many things...my daughter...my family...my friends...all I know and all I will learn...live life to the fullest...remembering all the while that the things that frustrate us the most...the things that seem so confusing are overwhelming may be the things in life that need the most attention...or maybe none at all...

jwcIII

Sunday...

June 21st, 2009...I had a good father's day...spending time with Addison helps me not miss my own father so much...had a great time catching up with friends...hoping Joey's grandfather isn't in the hospital much longer...you just never know what the day may bring...must get some rest...running low...


jwcIII

Thursday...

...June 18th, 2009...began at roughly 0430...long before the sun was up...today has been a busy...busy day...unlike Tuesday when we ran 14 calls...12 before midnight...today was more busy work around the house...presentations, i covered Cardiac Heart Disease, PT, couple calls in between, conference at Memorial Regional Hospital...now...hopefully it will be a quiet night...regardless it's been a productive day...



...I'm very excited about this weekend...Father's Day... :) Addy and I have a busy weekend planned and I have off Saturday...cook out with some old friends...hopefully "potty training" will continue to go well...keeping my fingers crossed... :)

...back to writing...

jwcIII

Tuesday...

...June 16th, 2009...I don't believe we've stopped all day...I stopped counting how many calls we ran on Day 1 of Barney's precepting...my day started at 4:45 and I probably should be sleeping right now, but we just got back from another call and I'm trying to unwind...hopefully tomorrow will be a more productive day and I can work on my class...

jwcIII

Sunday...

...June 14th, 2009...what a day...what a week...I really can't imagine what this week may bring after last week...I literally couldn't sleep Friday night I was so excited...Thursday my company...CEI acquired it's first contract...and Friday I entered into negotiation for an adjunct professorship at NOVA's ELI...for me...this has been a culmination of three years of blood...sweat...and tears...many sleepless nights...planning...plan A to Z...really...and back again...

...even more exciting...is my daughter...and the fact that she seems to hate using her inside voice...her absolute love for the water and being on "the riva daddy"...how she writes with both hands...as a father I am humbled and amazed...it's impossible to not get lost in the moment of loving and caring for my daughter...teaching her...about life and the world...reading and singing with her...enjoying the simple joys of life...a great friend once told me "l'amore vince sempre"...and I'll admit...there have been times in my life when I doubted this...but you are right...absolutely right...through our children's eyes it is so obvious...

jwcIII

Wednesday...

...June 10th, 2009...the morning comes with an eagerness that I'm not feeling in the least...I wake to my phone vibrating...who the hell is texting me this early..."wake up man"...jay...

oh ya...I wipe my eyes remembering I had asked jay to make sure I was up in the am...I reply with a sarcastic "good morning"...sigh...and roll out of bed onto my feet...



...Wednesday at the fire house is a unique day...it's the last in our shift cycle that lasts for 21 days...we work a 7/21...each day of the week is worked once...for 24 hours...the first week being "hell week"...on four out of 8 days...it's not a bad schedule...all of us have done shift work before and this schedule affords us a 5 day weekend every 3rd week...by the time Wednesday is here...we all would rather be somewhere else...



...it's a short drive to work this morning...crashed in Richmond at a buddy's from college...with life in a state of fast forward we rarely get to catch up...but that's just how it is these days...



...as I walk across the parking lot DJ pulls in...I already know Jackson has kept him up half the night...only our two rookies aren't parents...everyone else can tell when the kids have kept us up...but we rarely socialize before our shift starts at 7a...not at least until we have some coffee...



...thankfully the shift is flying by...Lt is crazy motivated today...mandatory "PT" lol...really...why...I mean...we know it's an SOG...but we all do it anyways...seems like more recently everything has become a competition on our shift...not in a bad way...just is...it's so ridiculous at this point in the summer that we even compete to see who can eat the healthiest food in 24 hours...lol...



...most of us have known each other for years...it is very fraternal and family oriented...everyone has a nickname...no one gets to choose their own nickname...but chances are if you show you don't like it...well...that's the one it'll be...just the way it is...



...we spend so much time together that there aren't many topics that aren't up for discussion...we watch some of the most random shows and talk about topics that people would probably be surprised about...typically we try and avoid politics and religion at the dinner table though...



...I will say with absolute confidence that I am sure that there isn't another job in the world where you'd find more support in a time of need...it's just amazing...even on our worst days we'd rather come in and help others with their problems...the in between well we get each other through it...simple as that...



...this job...for me was never planned...like so many of the men and women I work with...but it has been a life changing experience...one I will always be thankful for...

...hopefully I'll get some rest tonight...who knows riding the ambulance what the night will bring...probably should try and get some rest...big meeting in the am...

jwcIII

Tuesday...

May 9th, 2009...man...am I tired...what a busy day...I love being a parent, but keeping up with Addy is tough some days...she is such a bundle of energy...such a joy in my life...I love waking up to her little feet running across the wooden floors..."Daddy up...Daddy come play..." :)


Can I just say that I actually witnessed someone sitting in the middle of I-295 in a lawn chair...holding a clip board...sitting in front of his jeep wrangler that really did have "Traffic Surveyor" sign on the side of it...I mean really what were you surveying as cars sped by at 70 plus mph...who gets that job anyways...


...furthermore...I'm not sure how I feel about teenagers who walk around soliciting money for school...it makes me uncomfortable...and I'll talk to anyone...I really don't understand it...hustle...or not...I must research this...

...on a more serious note...tonight I was reminded of how dangerous our job is...per my friend Chris Cozzie "Please keep RFD LT.Shortt in your thoughts and prayers as he and his family go through a difficult time after today's accident."

Tomorrow is a new day...new challenges...new hopes...

jwcIII

Today...

...was such a great day...so many of my days come and go with everything going on right now...I truly value the time I have with Addison...she is at such an amazing place in her life right now...everyday it seems like she is learning more and more words...speaking in sentences...wrapping Daddy around that finger...

...I have a job interview on Thursday...something I've been working on for months that I can do from wherever I may be and I'm very excited about the opportunity. So much of the work I do now really drains you emotionally and takes away from my ability to write which is something I am very passionate about...

...time to do a little more writing and than some reading before I hit the hay...

jwcIII

Monday...

...June 8th, 2009...coming off shift and happy to have the next two days off from the firehouse...excited about spending time with Addy and taking her swimming in the morning...

...I wouldn't say you ever sleep well in the firehouse...I mean you can sleep hard...but only because you are tired...especially since we have an ambulance, engine, and truck company under one roof.

...The only call of significance last night was a young man who wrecked his buddy's motorcycle...evidently he had borrowed it to go pick up his keys from a friends house and was caught speeding...he tried to outrun the police, but ended up wrecking in a neighborhood in our 1st due...I'd imagine he was going to be very sore this morning, but he refused transport...wanted to go ahead and go get the "booking" process completed.

...Funny thing about going on calls like that...even though people are typically humble when they make a mistake is you see people for you the are...genuinely...I'm not sure how many people in my field of work actually think about that...but I definitely find it to be an eye opening experience...

jwcIII

Joe Carney's - A Day in the Life

I decided this weekend that I would go ahead with the second project that would...at least for the time being parallel my efforts of writing a book. Unlike my first project that concentrates on 3 years of my life...this will chronicle the next 365 days of my life as a father...a son...a firefighter...a paramedic and all that in between that comes with what I do in my life...hope you enjoy the read... ;)

jwcIII